TV uninformed opinion-giver Carol McGiffin is entombed in goose. McGiffin, 47, fell foul of the fowl after falling from her
high horse during a farmyard special of Loose Women. The radio DJ, who was married to Chris Evans don’t-you-know, lost her balance after a particularly heated rant about people from foreign countries living in Britain, falling into Goosey’s pen and was greedily swallowed up.
The frustrated divorcee’s favourite rant merchant is being kept alive by a tube inserted down the gullet of the goose feeding her with white wine and nibbles. Sound engineers are working around the clock to allow her voice to be relayed outside the digestive organ. Doctors fear if she is not able to air her harmful opinions soon and indulge her need for self importance, she may die.
Sadly, veterinary science has yet to come up with a safe procedure for human-goose extraction, any attempts to do so will most likely result in the plonk-swiller’s early death. Animal expert Terry Nutkins recommends that the best course of action is to try and coax the bird to release Giffers through poetic persuasion and has called upon all her fans to join in.
Poor Carol McGiffen, a friend in feathered foe,
Once she were free, but now must go where Goosey go,
Carol liked to go a-frolicking with Gosling, Chick and Pullet,
But she fell into Goosey’s feeding pen and ended up down his Gullet,
Oh naughty Goosey, from you one thing we must beg,
Please release our Carol McGiffin, in vomit or in egg.